A Swing and a Miss: Game of Thrones Best May Already be Far Behind

Game of Thrones EP 04 Season 6 Review by Hugo Guzman

Episode 03 of Game of Thrones (“Oathbreaker”) was simply awesome. I didn’t do an article review on it (sorry!!) but if I had, I would have said things like, “blindsides you with killer characterizations and unexpected developments” and “shows what you can do when you let the characters speak for themselves”. The Stark children took center stage in “Oathbreaker”, and last Sunday’s “Book of the Stranger” tantalized us with the possibility of more.

Possibility that was ultimately squandered. This episode, as I told my friend Adam, was both “stupid” and “shitty”. In fact, it sucked so bad, we were at CAUSUALties had to come up with a customs system for analysing key elements from this episode!

Fig. 1: The MemeScale^TM. If it’s pretty good, you get a seal of approval. If you tried but it’s still shit, a tiny pupper will pat you on the head. If I straight up can’t tell if you’re serious or joking, Xzibit will inform you of your foolishness!

It’s called the MemeScale^TM, and I’ll be using it to analyze some key scenes from this episode and tell you where they fell on the scale.

Stark Siblings, Unite!!

“Oathbreaker” ended with a gripping moment where Jon Snow killed the men who had stabbed him to death at the end of last year’s season. Then, he abandoned the Night’s Watch to its fate, and walked out the Northern Gate.

Instead, “The Book of the Stranger” has Jon sitting and mostly waiting around after his climax in the previous episode. Despite the tension in last week’s cliffhanger, Jon spends much of the time until Sansa arrives a few minutes into the episode.

I have to give Sophie Turner props. I’ve had doubts about her acting ability in the past, but her subtle interactions with Jon Snow really made me feel like the character had come into her own. Sansa finally has her motivations in order, and it definitely comes through in Turner’s performance. She’s driven to avenge her family and retake Winterfell for the Starks, but Jon isn’t so sure. But when he gets a letter from Ramsay Bolton, he’s put in a bind. After all — He’s got Rickon!

Verdict:

Jon Snow was a huge drag on the episode, because he made the classic GoT mistake of not capitalizing on an awesome moment from the previous episode.

Osha Does Things

She dies, mostly.

Rickon Stark arrived in Winterfell in “Oathbreaker”. Osha the wildling was with him, and so was Shaggydog’s heard. The internet instantly exploded with theories that the youngest Stark might have a plan of his own to fight back against the Bolton, and that we’d get to see this epic confrontation played out in the next few episodes!

It’s an an exciting theory, but everyone’s favorite Bolton had different ideas. Osha, Rickon’s erstwhile wildling companion, is introduced to his chambers, where she tries to seduce the vicious killer. Ramsey stabs her in the neck when she’s dumb enough to climb on his lap.

“Sorry, Internet!”

That ABSOLUTELY destroys any theory that involves Rickon fighting back, and kills off a beloved character for absolutely no good reason. The scene is short, and to the point. In case you hadn’t heard: Ramsay is a bad person and he kills people!

The Verdict

I was pretty disappointed that Osha was so unceremoniously killed off. I don’t usually buy into the misogyny arguments that surround Game of Thrones, but did the writers just go through a bad breakup? This was a pathetic moment for all involved.

So what has everyone else been up to…?

Generally Bad People, Unite!!

Meanwhile, in King’s Landing, the High Sparrow is continuing his reign of terror. Cersei and Jaime are trying to work with everyone else on a solution, but no one seems to appreciate their efforts. It’s not until

Fuck, honestly it was just a boring development. We knew that the Tyrells didn’t like Cersei, and this definitely fixed that gap. I’m ready for a big showdown with the High Sparrow, but given the showrunner’s track-record, I’m not sure if they can capitalize on it. The High Sparrow got some interesting development but COME ON, WE’VE ALREADY SEEN HIM DO SH*T LIKE THAT. Margaery’s brother is in trouble, so just GET TO THE PART WHERE YOU KILL SH*T. F**K. THAT’S THE ONLY REASON I STILL WATCH THIS SH*T.

Instead, we’re gonna get more small councils. Hooray!

Verdict

NOTHING F**KING HAPPENED. I don’t like any of these particular people except for Jaime. It was just a weak moment where things only happened because they had to.

The “““““Climax”””””” (Feat. Daenerys)

It’s not secret that I absolutely detest Daenerys Targaryen. All she’s done in this show is ruin other people’s civilizations, and not conquer the absolute sh*t out of Westeros, which is what she set out to do when her dear old husband died. She’s been captured by Dothraki, who are now in a very flammable building, with a woman who is immune to fire.

And as she emerges from the flames, all the onlookers fall to their knees, and Khaleesi is back!

Also, Jorah and Daario Neharis tried to rescue a girl who needed no rescuing.

WHY?

I don’t understand why the Dothraki didn’t just f**king stab her! She murdered their leaders right before their very eyes. And also, why does this show constantly give us brown people who end up worshipping the perfect white princess? Who can’t even run one conquered city!

 Verdict

I wish the beetle from a few seasons ago had killed her

Final Verdict

With only one really strong scene, more than a few weak moments, and the return of Daenerys doing stupid things and being pat on the back for it, I might have no choice but to unleash Xzibit.

But! I will say one thing. Much of this episode consisted of scenes that “needed to happen.” I didn’t mention Theon arriving in the Iron Islands, Littlefinger’s scheming, nor Tyrion stalling for more time in Meereen. Even the strongest scenes, between Jon and Sansa, are only setting the stage for future epic moments ahead. As terrible as this episode was, it was a necessary evil. I might have to expand my rating scale…

And at least it wasn’t Dorne.