Game of Thrones: Season Anticlimactic, Episode Boring as F*** (TV Review)

Game of Thrones EP 02 Season 6 Review by Hugo Guzman

Sorry it’s late, guys! I realized after the podcast that we have a pretty strict 2-day spoiler rule. Hopefully, this warning reaches you all in time! Make sure to catch my Game of Thrones Ep. 01 review on the latest CASUALties episode, along with our hopes and fears for Captain America: Civil War and Bishop’s review of Green Room.

CASUALties Episode: https://soundcloud.com/casualties_podcast/the-pointless-war-ep022

I’ve often said that the first few episodes of Game of Thrones are indicative of how the whole season will turn out. In fact, I said that in this week’s episode.

I really, really, really hope this season proves me wrong.

Oh Joy, it’s the Greyjoys

For the first time in way too long, we’re visiting the Iron Islands, home of the Greyjoys, everyone’s favorite fantasy-vikings. Last time we checked in on them, action girl Yara Greyjoy failed miserably in her quest to rescue her brother. This time around, her dad Balon is chewing her out for suggesting they stop trying to conquer the North.

And then Euron shows up, and everything goes to sh*t.

Euron Greyjoy is the kind of guy who doesn’t need an introduction baddest of all the Ironborn, and gets himself proclaimed king of the Iron Islands when he promises to marry Daenerys and control her dragons.

 but gets one anyway. In the books, he’s one of the most feared pirates in the world, a mysterious man of deep magical knowledge, and a generally bad dude. He’s the

He made his first “in the flesh” appearance in the third book, however, meaning he should have appeared in season three (since the show was still following the books closely). Instead, we got only a hint that Balon would die, and then a whole lot of nothing. In fact, the whole ironborn plot came to a screeching halt — Yara only appeared in one episode in season four, and not at in season five. No Euron either — he was only ever referenced by Tywin in season one.

So Balon steps out into the world’s spookiest, most dangerous looking rope bridge, where he meets his brother Euron… Who proceeds to ramble about how he’s a god. Balon’s actual death is quick and seriously anti-climactic, and the sudden cut to another scene didn’t help either.

This is in fact the clearest we get at Euron. Shortly before he delivers a multi-season climax in 30 seconds

Later on, at Balon’s funeral, Yara swears how she’s gonna find the killer and bring them to justice. Her uncle has his doubts, though — the Kingsmoot has to declare her Queen of the Iron Islands first. Which they might not even do, because this is medieval fantasy, Yara is a woman, and despite being one of the most competent characters on the show, we need to remind viewers that sexism is still a thing.

This was the real misstep of the show. D&D portrayed Euron as… I’m not even sure. He’s obviously batshit crazy, and he thinks he’s a god. He’s no interesting, or mysterious, or even obviously evil. He just kind of shows up and makes good on Melisandre’s curse from a few seasons ago (the same one that got Robb Stark and Joffery killed).

Speaking of which…

Melisandre Brings Jon Snow Back

There’s only one real word I could use to describe this scene: Boring.

This is the big resurrection we’ve been building up to for months. Everyone knew it was coming. We’ve seen people get resurrected on screen before — Beric Dondarrion, from a few seasons ago, for example. And THAT scene was cool as f***. The Hound fought for his life. Some swords caught on fire. It was dramatic and badass.

This scene starts with a haircut.

It really doesn’t get better than that. Melisandre has been feeling like crap and doubting her faith (probably because she burned a child alive, and has nothing to show for it). She doesn’t look like she’s doubting her faith, though. She looks BORED during this ritual.  I can imagine her asking “Why am I even doing this?”

There’s a lot of Valyrian we can’t understand (the Dondarrion scene from earlier was all in English), and everyone actually leaves the room for Jon to come back to life. It’s anticlimactic, so much that the resurrection actually feels shoehorned.

When your key plot element feels shoehorned, you’ve gone wrong somewhere.

I understand that you wanted to keep viewers guessing. You really wanted to make everyone feel like he wasn’t gonna come back. That’s shitty and you suck, D&D. Everyone knew he was gonna come back, and instead of a cool and heroic return from the dead, we got… BORING.

Tyrion Drinks, Knows Things

Luckily, Tyrion Lannister is here to save this episode from being absolute trash!

Tyrion is in Mereen, which is seriously screwed. Dany’s enemies are all around, escape seems impossible and there’s no sign of the Khaleesi anywhere. But Tyrion has a plan — They need friends, and there’s no better friends than motherfucking dragons.

So, after some fun banter, Tyrion and Varys venture into the catacombs, where Dany chained up her dragons (minus Drogon). Tyrion goes up to the dragons, and seriously, actually tries to make friends.

“How do you make friends with a dragon? Very carefully, reveals local drinker/thing-knower!”

It works! Tyrion manages to pee his pants, unchain the dragons, and scurry back to Varys’ side without being roasted. The dragons skulk back into the shadows, but we finally have something we can work with! This was probably the best subplot of the episode, because things actually got done. We had some more great writing for Tyrion, dragons were freed, and it looks like Mehreen’s story is finally picking up after entire seasons of druggery.

Bathing in the Blood of Bolton

Ramsay Bolton is a bad dude. He’s probably the only major character worse than Euron Greyjoy in the books, and in the TV show he raped Sansa Stark and castrated Theon.

So I have to hand it to the writers. I actually did feel something when Ramsay killed his dear old dad, despite having seen that coming for a while now. The moment was quick but effective, and great performances on both actors’ parts (and some funny camera angles) left me wondering for a split second as to who had stabbed whom.

But when Roose Bolton finally met his end, I knew the Bastard’s adventures had only just begun! After getting the sycophantic Lord Karstark into bullying a poor maester into helping drag Walda Frey out of bed, Ramsey prepared to give his newborn baby brother a lovely birthday gift.

The death scene was definitely tense, and had me on the edge of my seat. Seeing Walked slowly realize what was about to happen to her was a real treat, and with this act, the Bolton Bastard has solidified his role as the worst person in Westeros, and possibly the entire world.

… And Everyone Else

Honestly, if I didn’t mention them, then nothing important happened. We got to see Bran Stark for the first time in forever, although nothing happened there. Tommen and Cersei had a nice little moment, although I personally think it’s terrible that they’re trying to make Cersei a sympathetic character. In Braavos, Arya finally gets to eat, after getting her ass kicked again. And the High Sparrow is up to no good again, but this time, he’s gotta tango with Jaime Lannister. And nothing substantial happens in any of those scenes.

Oh, yeah. Theon decides he’s gonna go back to the Iron Islands. No clue why.

In Conclusion

Game of Thrones keeps missing its biggest opportunities. They made a serious mistake in waiting so long to kill Balon, and the resurrection scene is just bad. Key characters are tossed aside or just misused, especially Euron Greyjoy. This episode’s strongest moment comes from relying on its characters to make an impact — any time it strays from that, it turns into a dragged out, boring as hell scene. Ramsey Bolton and Tyrion Lannister continue to bring the heat, but otherwise, this episode is a solid BORING/10.